Why am I here? What is my purpose? Why did God choose me? Why was I chosen out of billions of sperm that could reach my mothers egg and I was the one that was created. Why? Who am I? I often wonder these things. I hope to be of some good in this world. I see so much hope and beauty. Yet, I see so much hate and anger and sin. It’s terrifing, yet again I ask why am I here? To be a mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend? Why? I have a profession that I felt was pushed onto me by my parents. They wanted me to have a job that pays. So I became a radiology tech. But by the time I graduated there were no jobs. So then I applied and took call for hospitals but couldn’t find full or even part time work. So I was over thirty five thousand dollars in debt for a career that was overpopulated. So we focused on my husband’s career. He did get a job in his field upon graduation which was so great. We also started a family. But again I have no career. I decided to be a SAHM because the regular jobs would be just working to pay for daycare with little take home pay after childcare. That and I adore being a mom and taking care of my kids. But again is this why I am here? I always have felt called to help others like being a missionary. But I’ve never had the willpower to accomplish such a task. I have never left far from under my parents thumb. I probably never will until they pass on. Then I will be free. But to do what? Why do I exist? I love life, my family and my friends. I also wonder how I have a mate and how I have friends, because I admit I don’t see value in myself. Therefore I struggle to see why others do see value or if they do? But what can I do to make a mark on this world? My 30th birthday is looming very near, so all this angst is definitely rising due to hitting this milestone age. It’s just a number but it feels like a huge leap closer to the grave. I guess I will just need to keep telling myself 30 is a number and you are only as old as you feel. I don’t know yet but, I can tell you this much. I am definitely working on coming up with something to make some sort of mark on this world someday. Does anyone else ever feel like this?