Today is my last day as a SAHM. I feel like a bit of me died. I am not meaning to sound dramatic. I honestly am so so sad. I loved being with my babies 24/7. My mother in law didn’t understand cause she is so social and needs that. I am just happy with my family my babies. I wanted my babies since I was nine years old. I have at least breastfed my son for almost a year full time. I will continue to breastfeed for awhile yet. I loved watching them splash and play in the pool. I loved taking them on outings and walks everyday and napping with them in the early afternoon. Staring at their beautiful sleeping angel faces. I am so incredibly sad. But I have to do this we just are not making it on one income. My mother made me feel worse saying you will go take care of other people (I work with behavior issues children) but won’t take care if your own? What if something happens to them? What then? I always put my babies to bed and I always feed them dinner. I always bathe them. Now I get to see them 3 days a week. I feel like I am getting a divorce from my babies. I don’t think I can do it. What if my infant is super sad and upset and can’t calm down without me? What if my little girl cannot fall asleep without extra hugs kisses snuggles and love don’t count she always says. What then? My heart is broken.